Wednesday, November 07, 2007

Five Days

Evidently that's about how long I can live on ice water, Gatorade, and vegetable broth. I broke down last night and ate some pizza.

I know that wasn't the best choice of food after suffering gastrointestinally for several days. What I really wanted was rice - steamed white rice with soy sauce. But, The Husband suggested pizza, and I was so starving for the first time in days that I was willing to eat anything.

Over the weekend I had been experimentally nibbling on some crackers from time to time, but Sunday night I experienced a supremely embarrassing digestive incident, so I didn't take any chances with solid food all day Monday and Tuesday. By Tuesday night a couple of pieces of pizza sounded like ambrosia of the gods. I tried to take it easy, but the first two pieces didn't touch my hunger. I did manage to stop myself after the third.

Let me tell you, that ambrosia of the gods wasn't so heavenly the second time around. Around midnight, I thought I was going to die, and at that point, I probably wouldn't have minded a little death so much. I'm back on soup and clear liquids for the foreseeable future. I never ever want to feel that bad again.

The really weird thing is that I don't seem to be losing any weight. I'm not sure how much I weighed before my involuntary fast, but at least for the past few days, it's stayed exactly the same. Maybe I'm some kind of mutant, and scientists should study my genes. Maybe I could save famine victims around the world with my awesome power of Super Fatness!

Super Fatty mocks you Jenny Craig! You too, Dr. Atkins! Super Fatty's chubby butt needs no chocolate cake to maintain its amazing fatness. Super Fatty can turn the very air into cellulite!

Lucky me.


Anonymous said...


Maybe you should go see the doctor. Am worried about you and your intestinal distress.


Cate Monster

-S- said...

Hey, I offered you rice and other options so don't blame it on me. I'm so sorry that you are too good for my two-day-leftover delivery rice.