Saturday, December 06, 2008

Does This Popcorn Make Me Look Evil?

When I started writing this I was just going to tell some silly stories about some kids I used to babysit, however it has completely gone off the rails. Anyway...

I had an ongoing engagement at a huge Baptist church providing childcare during date night and other special events. I also had a weekly group of 6-8 year olds to take care of while their moms attended some sort of bible study. The first week the kids and I just played games and ate snack and wholesome stuff like that. However, the second week I was requested to come early for "teacher training" where I was introduced to the fundamentalist propaganda with which I was expected to indoctrinate the children.

For a while I suffered a crisis of conscience teaching the children that the Bible was true and infallible, which, frankly, is a logically impossible position to maintain under strict and honest scrutiny however much you love Jesus Christ. Shortly afterward, however, I found myself participating in a completely earnest conversation about the Tooth Fairy, and I figured that if I didn't mind fibbing about some crazy tooth-obsessed lady with plenty of spare change, I didn't have a lot of standing to balk at telling a few Bible stories.

Of course, the Tooth Fairy never inspired anyone to stand around shouting about how much God hates gay people, so I'm left to admit that I justified keeping that job because it was steady money, I liked riding the train downtown, and the kids were a ton of fun. The Sunday after my last day there, the church was picketed because of a widely publicized anti-gay sermon. That really made me horrified with myself that I had been even a tiny, mostly mercenary part of that place.

Looking back, I feel like a big asshole about the whole debacle, so I made a donation to the Resource Center as sort of a gay penance. On a related note Gaybingo in January has an Emerald City theme, and I feel like that's one place where I can wear my Dorothy costume and enjoy my hairy legs with pride. So, who wants to go?

In the further spirit of true confession, The Husband and I also bought some popcorn from the Boy Scouts, and then we felt really bad because we forgot they were run by homophobic bigots. I'm terribly sorry. We just like popcorn, I swear.

Also, maybe next time I'll get to the silly story before I go on the inevitable ranty tangent. With a little effort, maybe I can offend the other half of my friends.


KCB said...

That's how they get you--with the popcorn.

Anonymous said...

That's quite a leap from babysitting to indoctrination.