Thursday, August 23, 2007

I Nearly Had My Big Break

My fifteen minutes of fame will have to wait. All week a local television news reporter has been scheduling and rescheduling an interview with me about one of the programs at the nonprofit where I work. It was finally set for this afternoon, but about twenty minutes before our meeting, she canceled. The story will still be on the news, which will be good publicity for our agency, but they decided to just interview one of our clients and not me.

I'm mostly relieved, but a little disappointed, too. The idea of being on TV gave me a stomach ache and sweaty palms, but I thought it also might be a fun experience.

After my confrontation with serious anxiety, this is how I know I'm back to my normal self. Even if something makes me half sick with nerves, I still feel like I'm up to the challenge. There's a misconception out there that anti-depressant/anxiety medication dulls people's real emotions, turning them into mindless, grinning zombies. But, I'm finding that I feel like myself again. The prospect of a news interview still made me nervous enough to be nauseous, but I could overcome it.

Several months ago, I would have called in sick everyday until the news reporter quit calling me because I would have been literally incapable of facing the physically gripping terror that kind of stress would cause. Sometimes I think it's worth it to feel really bad for a while, so I can remember to appreciate it when I feel good again.

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