I am shocked to discover that I own forty-four pairs of shoes. Forty-four! I'm not sure how this could happen to someone with only two feet and no fashion sense, but the evidence is undeniable.
While The Husband is gone I decided to spend my time productively by doing some housework and general organizing. Now, I want to make this clear that what I am about to say only reflects on my own insanity and not on The Husband in any way. I avoid doing housework while he's around because something about his presence makes me feel as if I am indulging some shameful and private compulsion, like playing with my own poo. I find myself furtively cleaning while he's asleep or at work. We both take care of day-to-day things like loading the dishwasher, but my urge to dust baseboards or wash the cabinet doors makes me feel like a freak.
Anyways, the shoe thing really is just embarrassing. Since The Husband's business trip has provided me with the privacy I need to entertain my mad desire to straighten up the house, I started with cleaning out our closet. When we moved in, we (I) just dumped a bunch of junk in there so that we couldn't even walk into our walk-in closet. As I pulled the junk out of the closet, I realized it was all shoes. Piles and piles of them.
I hardly ever wear the vast majority of them. It's probably more of a problem with never wanting to throw anything away than an unhealthy love of shoes. I did manage to identify four pairs I'm willing to part with, but it looks like the rest are here to stay whether it's crazy or not. Obviously I badly need five pairs of flip-flops, seven pairs of tennis shoes, and eight pairs of black heels. Actually, I'm starting to think that only two pairs of brown boots might be cutting it too close.
2 comments:
Well, how many of those shoes are 'pretty shoes to wear to look pretty' and how many are specialized shoes.
I've got lots of pairs of shoes - more than people think of guys having, but only 5 are more-or-less decorative.
I've got
1-pair standard brown work shoes, comfy but reasonably professional.
1-pair black dress shoes - these are also more comfy than stylish, but they more-or-less work.
1-pair sorta clogs - slip ons that I can wear to work if I'm feeling more thoroughly casual, and can just wear around at pretty much any time.
1-pair skateboard shoes - these are purely to wear around when I want tennis-shoes (in the generic sense) that are at least marginally cool.
1-pair sorta cowboyboots/workboots. technically workboots, but reasonable for business casual workplaces and hanging out.
Then functional shoes:
1-pair general-purpose lowtop sneakers - for general purpose outdoor/yardwork/whatever/random sports.
*1-pair very old hightops, as above, but too old for most things, just kept for emergencies and when doing something that might damage above sufficiently to impair their usefulness.
1-pair light hiking boots - for light hiking
*1-pair heavy hiking boots - used for backpacking, these haven't been on my feet in years.
*1-pair rock climbing shoes - as heavy hikers, except for rock climbing. rock climbing shoes are functionally unusable for anything else.
1-pair fencing shoes - for fencing.
1-pair old fencing shoes - too beat up and ratty for everyday fencing use, could probly be tossed.
*1-pair tevas - sandals for wearing in wet circumstances.
1-pair crappy flipflops - for when I'm too lazy to put on real shoes but can't make do with socks or bare feet.
So that's 14 pairs of shoes. There might be more, hiding somewhere that I can't find.
* denotes shoes that are more than 10 years old.
The vast majority are "pretty shoes to wear to look pretty." Like the pink sparkley flip flops and the purple sparkley flip flops and the rainbow-colored-flower flip flops. Also the velvety black heels and the way-too-high heels that look way more expensive than they really were. And the strappy brown high-heel sandals and the strappy black high-heel sandals. Well, you get the picture.
There are a few useful shoes, too. Hiking boots, and cycling shoes, and rubber clogs I wear to work in the yard.
A lot of them are shoes that looked cool in the store but I once I got them home and wore them around a bit weren't very comfortable or didn't match my clothes. But, I can't get rid of them because they might someday be the key component of an awesome outfit. Also pigs might fly out of my butt.
Post a Comment