Live Blogging New Years Eve

9 p.m. BAC .00%. Veggie T arrives with a bottle of Captain Morgan rum. We enjoy some nice rummy Silk Soy Nogs.

9:35 p.m. BAC .00%. Traivor and Greeneagles arrive. Receive a text from Holly and family that they won't be back in town until tomorrow. I start on the Hoegaarden with lemons.

9:55 p.m. BAC .03% Sophie Sealegs arrives with spazzy Raz. She is bearing a nice Cab and some champagne.

10:22 p.m. BAC .05%. Playing trivia is proposed. The literary and non-literary types argue about whether to play the Book Lover's version of Trivial Pursuit. Begin 2nd Hoegaarden.

11:13 p.m. BAC .06%. The inevitable reminiscing about drunken exploits begins. Courtesy of the internet, we can illustrate our stories with photographs and video. I regret I missed the Festivus celebration this year.

12:09 a.m. BAC .09%. Happy New Year! I poured everyone a California Chardonnay "Champagne." Nice.

12:23 a.m. BAC .10% We fail as drunken louts. We are too lazy to get the dog naked, let alone ourselves. Sophie Sealegs is double fisting the champagne, to her credit. Greeneagles removes one of three shirts. "More to come, " he says. Traivor blows a .11%. Greeneagles produces a .03%. He has a metabolism like a fucker. Also, he's had 5 plates of food since he got here. Sealegs brings a .08% to the table. Her goal is to drink at least one bottle of champagne. Also, she brought her pajamas, so DUIs won't be an issue.

12:51 a.m. BAC .11% The smoking begins. I engage in double entendre about Traivor's "equipment." Veggie T manages a .05%, but he intends to drive home, so that's a good thing. I try the Barenjager. My verdict: "It tastes like a museum smells."

1:32 a.m. BAC I don't remember. I got distracted. I think we did some trivia.

2:22 a.m. BAC .10%. I need to try harder! I had another cigarette and finished up my Barenjager. We spent some time criticizing our friends' relationships and discussed setting up my vintage Atari. Greeneagles blew a .04%. Like I said: metabolism like a fucker. Traivor managed a .16%. Sealegs is still at a .o8%.

2:50 a.m. BAC .11%. It is literally "on like Donkey Kong." My Atari 2600 from when I was 6 years old is successfully set up. Sealegs continues to add her pajamas over and under her clothes. Veggie T claims that he is blogging this on his "secret fashion blog."

3:05 a.m. BAC .10% *still*. We decide, regarding the Atari, we are "not feeling it." Veggie T is willing to make out with the Strawberry Shortcake game. He discovers the Jungle Hunt cartridge. He "hits that shit." Then we play Ms. Pacman. Somewhere Jeff experiences the ache of loss without really knowing why.

3:26 a.m. BAC .11%. We break out the Super Nintendo to play Super Mario Brothers. Frustrated with my inability to get shit-faced drunk on New Year's, I also break out the tequila shots. Various comments include, "This hurts my tummy," "If I didn't throw up on the floor just now, I'm probably fine for the rest of the night," and "Oh, dear."

3:51 a.m. BAC .12%. Traivor exclaims, "I was looking forward to Bibilatriblia," as Veggie T and Greeneagles leave. He conscripts me into playing Super Mario World literally for the first time in my life. I suck. Big surprise.

4:03 a.m. BAC .11%. Sealegs appears to be asleep, and Traivor is taking Super Mario World way too personally (while hiccuping, may I add). Traivor blows a .17%.

4:31 a.m. BAC whatever-I-don't-care. Sealegs departs. Traivor persists in the Super-Mario-Worlding. The nasty reality that I have to be at work in 28 hours hits me. It takes all my emotional resources not to weep.

Happy New Year, everybody!