Thursday, December 21, 2006

Musings from the Office

I work from about eight to five, which I believe is the usual starting and quitting time. I commute from the semi-urbs (good word, Dave) into the city center. I follow the same route to and from work. Can anyone explain to me why it easily takes 50% longer for me to drive home than it does to get to work?

Someone is holding a moron convention in my building today. First I noticed that a particularly well-dressed man was using his briefcase to hold open the automatic sliding glass door into the lobby as if it were an elevator and he was letting people on. But, he was just standing in the doorway, gaping at the lobby and everyone walking around him to get in the building.

Over at the actual elevator a large group of be-suited people all carrying briefcases were crowding into an elevator and muttering at each other. Then, they all shuffled off the elevator. Then, they all pushed back onto the elevator. Then, they started to get back off the elevator when someone said, "No, no. We're going to two." They all squeezed back into the elevator, and the door closed. Maybe it's not a moron convention; maybe they're having elevator training for befuddled executives.

Evidently the bathroom antics at my work can only get less amusing. I went into the first stall, and it appeared that the seat-sprayer was on her period. Gross. I tried the last stall. The toilet was full of crap and piss, but no toilet paper. Disturbing. How about the middle stall? There was a used seat protector stuck to the seat. Could be worse, but I decided to head downstairs to do my business. Somewhere on my floor there must be an office full of marginally toilet-trained orangutans.

I made someone cry for the second time in the course of conducting my managerial duties. She even said she was so upset that she thought she should just quit. I think I was supposed to say, "Oh, no! Don't quit!" Instead I said, "Huh. Really?"

I overheard a conversation that our cute, helpful, grandmotherly administrative assistant was having. Turns out she used to be a professional body builder. People might suck sometimes, but sometimes you find out they're really cool.


sealegs said...

your bathroom is out of control..

UnrulyDuckling said...

Yes, Sealegs. Yes, it is.

SerenitySprings said...

If by "out of control" you mean "really fucking nasty."