Monday, September 11, 2006

Something is Wrong

I haven't really been able to articulate it, but I have not been doing well lately. I wonder if it is possible to be depressed without really feeling sad. For a couple of months now, everything just seems so hard. I'm getting no exercise. I have no motivation to cook or get things done around the house. I don't even feel like taking a shower in the morning (although I do). I'm constantly late for work, and once I'm there, I'm unproductive. On the weekends, I don't want to get dressed or leave the house - not even to go on the back porch and water the plants. One Sunday morning The Husband and I were getting ready to go somewhere, and I was mumbling and grumbling. When he asked me what was wrong, the only true answer was, "I'm awake."

However, my mood seems fine, except for my frustration with myself and my pathological laziness. The Husband and I laugh about stuff together. I enjoy spending time with my friends when I manage to make it out the door. I have a couple of projects going, although none of them require much energy - mostly knitting or writing. My appetite is more than fine, and I'm sleeping well, both of which were serious problems when I have been depressed in the past. I just have no energy.

What is doubly frustrating is that a few months ago, I felt like I had all my stuff together. I was super efficient at work. I was getting lots of exercise and felt fit. The Husband and I were cooking nutritious meals full of organic fresh vegetables. The checkbook was balanced. The house was clean. Then all of a sudden I felt like I hit a brick wall, fell on my butt, and couldn't get up again. I'm an emotional Mrs. Fletcher.


Anonymous said...

I know the symptoms. Not so much depression, as a lack of - for want of a better term - gumption.

I have no suggestions or solutions, but I can at least offer my sympathy. I've been there.


Anonymous said...

thyroid. in my completely non-professional medical opinion.

or it could be life. that can do it too. sometimes its just a matter of working things out that we typically choose to ignore even without knowing that we are doing so.


UnrulyDuckling said...

Dave-o-ramA - Thanks for the sympathy.

greeneagles - I've wondered if there's something I'm avoiding through my inaction, so that's pretty insightful. However, I don't have a good answer for myself although I typically think of myself as quite self-aware. Fortunately, these things tend to happen in cycles, so I'm sure I'll bounce back eventually.